Movie: The Time Traveler's Wife Trailer

This is my favorite book ever.
Please don't make it the worst movie ever.

TV: The Bachelorette

I was not going to watch The Bachelorette this season.

Last season (which wasn't even that long ago), I wasted more brain cells on Jason Mesnick and the Melissa/Molly saga than a freshman quarterBest of the Bachelorback from Ohio pledging Kappa Sigma Alpha.

So I was boycotting the show. Or rather, that's what I told everyone I would do once it started airing again. But a boycott doesn't really count for much if the thing you're avoiding doesn't actually exist.

So when the first episode aired, of course, I watched it. And all the while I muttered, "I'm not watching this stupid show again." Yeah, that's like saying you're swearing off cupcakes as you're squeezing a tube of icing into your mouth.

2 hours later, I had already started forming opinions on our new Monday night heroine, Jillian.

So lil' Jillzie is meeting all these guys who are so totally psyched to be there, climbing out of the limos in their ironed suits, all the way from New York, California, Texas, wherever. And all of them are saying to her, "I came here to meet you."

Not so fast.

It's no secret that Jillz was not the first choice for this season. She wasn't chosen until the last possible minute. The network wanted the original jilted girls first: Molly 'n Meliss. But since they were otherwise occupied with the fickle flip-flopper Jason, they had to call upon the Canadian QT.

Here's where it gets interesting. Considering she was announced as the Bachelorette so late in the game, way past a normal TV production schedule, it's pretty safe to say that the men who climbed out of that limo that night were never actually recruited for her. No, they were chosen to win the heart of a different female lead. But the first choice, Molly, became Jason's second first choice and she went back with him. And then the heartbroken Melissa was asked, but she pretty much told the producers they could suck it.

So suddenly the producers were stuck with 30 new men, a few too many limos, and one or two pre-booked helicopter rides that they couldn't get a refund on. How would they find the next America's Sweetheart to fill the glass slipper? Enter Jillzie. The Canadian Sweetheart. She's cute, peppy, and has free national health insurance. What more could an audience hope for?

Cut to 4 weeks later, and those 30 men were jumping out of their limos, eager as could be, beaming their bleached teeth, and telling Jillzie they were "here for her." What they should have added to that was, "...Or, whomever else had just happened to be standing here when I got out of the car."

You know how I can really tell these guys weren't originally recruited for her? Because she's 31. And almost all of those guys are younger than her. If they were really out to fit her with someone "appropriate," you'd assume more than half would be older than her, since that's how traditional TV love affairs usually go. I mean, sure, a younger guy would spice up the show. But, all of them? Most of them?

Also, not one was from Canada. That would have made for some good TV. Would Jillzie pick an Ottawa boy just because she wouldn't have to use up all her frequent flier miles to visit him?
And that's what I find so interesting. Does all this "recruitment" really matter? The quest for "the perfect match" or "the one who fits the checklist" or "the good on paper" is sometimes the silliest of agendas. Jillz is now courting 30 men who were supposed to be courted by another girl. And you know she's going to fall for at least 2 of them. And if she doesn't, does she reserve the right to say to America on finale night, "Um, but these weren't even men who were picked to match with me!"

We can't all be lucky enough to have 6 producers plot our love life. But I guess sometimes, even that isn't enough.

Funny: Ronna and Beverly

Discovering a new, hilarious female comedian is like finding a dairy-free chocolate cake recipe for Passover. Not easy. And even if your great-aunt brings one to the seder, can anyone really digest it?

Today I found not one, but two. Women, not recipes. The recipes I could not find. But the women I unearthed are HILARIOUS. And I am bringing them to you today in a segment I'd like to call, "Here is another link to a website on the Internet."

Luckily, these women do not remind me of my mother. Or my friend's mothers. But they do remind me of many other mothers I've met in my life. They also remind me of a Halloween costume I dressed up as one year.

I wish I could tell you their act is an exaggeration. But a quick trip to Long Island, or Florida, or the powder room at a Hilton Hotel Bar-Mitzvah, or the try-on room at Neiman Marcus, or a midnight screening at Temple Emanuel of A Star Is Born, will prove otherwise.

Ronna and Beverly are the quintessential Jewish mothers/grandmothers. From their nasal voices to their high waisted belts, you'd assume this stereotype is about as fresh as a can of Ensure in your Bubby's basement. So how on earth they managed to resurrect the Mike Meyers-esque coffee talk dialect and make it work all over again, is beyond me. But they did it. And I am laughing, laughing, laughing.

If you've recently discovered them, either at a UCB show, or a Funny-or-Die segment, or at a synagogue near you, then you will likely dive head first into google to find as much of them as you can, as quickly as you can. Halt. I've done the dirty work for you.

The creator of Weeds is already writing a TV pilot for them on Showtime. The description reads, "Ronna and Beverly revolves around two middle-aged women in Boston who decide to self-publish and aggressively promote a dating guide for Jewish singles, "You'll Do a Little Better Next Time."

My favorite video is, "The Scary Spot." This is so quintessential, I can't even tell you. Watch here.

Subscribe to their youtube channel to see all the other videos.

Official website

You can see a lot more videos taped from the UCB shows here.

You can see the real photos of the actresses here:
Jessica Chaffin
Jamie Denbo

Enjoy!
And, you're welcome.