TV: The Bachelorette

I was not going to watch The Bachelorette this season.

Last season (which wasn't even that long ago), I wasted more brain cells on Jason Mesnick and the Melissa/Molly saga than a freshman quarterBest of the Bachelorback from Ohio pledging Kappa Sigma Alpha.

So I was boycotting the show. Or rather, that's what I told everyone I would do once it started airing again. But a boycott doesn't really count for much if the thing you're avoiding doesn't actually exist.

So when the first episode aired, of course, I watched it. And all the while I muttered, "I'm not watching this stupid show again." Yeah, that's like saying you're swearing off cupcakes as you're squeezing a tube of icing into your mouth.

2 hours later, I had already started forming opinions on our new Monday night heroine, Jillian.

So lil' Jillzie is meeting all these guys who are so totally psyched to be there, climbing out of the limos in their ironed suits, all the way from New York, California, Texas, wherever. And all of them are saying to her, "I came here to meet you."

Not so fast.

It's no secret that Jillz was not the first choice for this season. She wasn't chosen until the last possible minute. The network wanted the original jilted girls first: Molly 'n Meliss. But since they were otherwise occupied with the fickle flip-flopper Jason, they had to call upon the Canadian QT.

Here's where it gets interesting. Considering she was announced as the Bachelorette so late in the game, way past a normal TV production schedule, it's pretty safe to say that the men who climbed out of that limo that night were never actually recruited for her. No, they were chosen to win the heart of a different female lead. But the first choice, Molly, became Jason's second first choice and she went back with him. And then the heartbroken Melissa was asked, but she pretty much told the producers they could suck it.

So suddenly the producers were stuck with 30 new men, a few too many limos, and one or two pre-booked helicopter rides that they couldn't get a refund on. How would they find the next America's Sweetheart to fill the glass slipper? Enter Jillzie. The Canadian Sweetheart. She's cute, peppy, and has free national health insurance. What more could an audience hope for?

Cut to 4 weeks later, and those 30 men were jumping out of their limos, eager as could be, beaming their bleached teeth, and telling Jillzie they were "here for her." What they should have added to that was, "...Or, whomever else had just happened to be standing here when I got out of the car."

You know how I can really tell these guys weren't originally recruited for her? Because she's 31. And almost all of those guys are younger than her. If they were really out to fit her with someone "appropriate," you'd assume more than half would be older than her, since that's how traditional TV love affairs usually go. I mean, sure, a younger guy would spice up the show. But, all of them? Most of them?

Also, not one was from Canada. That would have made for some good TV. Would Jillzie pick an Ottawa boy just because she wouldn't have to use up all her frequent flier miles to visit him?
And that's what I find so interesting. Does all this "recruitment" really matter? The quest for "the perfect match" or "the one who fits the checklist" or "the good on paper" is sometimes the silliest of agendas. Jillz is now courting 30 men who were supposed to be courted by another girl. And you know she's going to fall for at least 2 of them. And if she doesn't, does she reserve the right to say to America on finale night, "Um, but these weren't even men who were picked to match with me!"

We can't all be lucky enough to have 6 producers plot our love life. But I guess sometimes, even that isn't enough.

Where Were You When: Michelle Obama at the DNC

Did you see that??

Were you watching??

That was the BEST potential-first-lady speech ever! She's as good as her husband in front of a microphone!

You could just feel that this was a special evening.

HISTORIC.

You could just feel that energy, that this is a momentous occasion in American history. How far we've come. How far.

It was such a touching speech. The stories she told and the way she told them were so human. She seems like a normal person. And so beautiful! She looked so glamorous. She spoke candidly, and intelligently, and down-to-earth. You can tell she and her husband have a strong partnership.

And those kids! This is going to be a fun 4 years if we have those two as first-daughters.

But my favorite part of the evening?...

Michelle didn't wear pearls!!

Where Were You When: Michael Phelps

I was at a dinner with some friends and strangers on the upper west side. I kept my eye on the clock, feeling no qualms about jumping up mid-sentence when the race was about to come on. My friend asked the bartenders if they would turn the volume on the TV up for us when the time came.

I knew that at 10:10 he would be on. I swear I had my eye on the TV the whole time from across the room. At what I swore was 10:09, I saw NBC had finally switched over to swimming and I yelled, "NOW!" and a group of us bolted to the other side of the room.

When we got there, it seemed like we were watching the whole thing in instant replay. Literally. It was so slow. "When are they going to start?" I asked. "Why are they showing another race?"
Then we realized, they weren't. Somewhere in the span of time it apparently takes to blink, I had missed the race! How could that be? How fast do these swimmers go??

Weirdly, I blamed it all on NBC. I was absolutely convinced for the rest of the night that NBC had erred, and had only begun airing the race halfway through it.

My male friend, who is as obsessed with Phelps as I am, (his "boy crush", he calls him), started getting texts from people asking if he had seen the race. I said, "Ask them if they are as pissed at NBC as I am. What kind of network are they? Don't they know the entire USA is watching now! How could they do this to us??"

I really don't know how I managed to keep this train of thought going. I don't think it was until much later that night, when I talked to my sister about the race, that I realized NBC had shown the whole thing. I was just late to the game.

I'm not a usual sports fan. I don't really understand innings, or meters, or bases loaded. Being this psyched about watching someone take a world record in the name of athleticism is new to me. The whole week I felt like walking around asking people, "Have you heard of this swimmer? Do you know how important this race is?? Are you getting this???"

I had no idea that other people in the world were as obsessed with this as I was. I had no idea who Michael Phelps was until I started googling him last week, only to find out he's already been in an Annie Liebowitz commercial (I had told someone that this would surely happen for him one day), only to find out he's already making millions in endorsements (I had told someone that he would certainly get an endorsement soon), only to find out he's already been on the covers of magazines and leads the top of many BEST ATHLETES IN THE WORLD lists.

I had no idea that the LIFE OF BEING A SPORTS FAN was this exciting!

The next day, Saturday, it felt like I had planned my whole day around this last race. I was counting down the hours. By 10PM, I was in front of that television, eyes glued forward. NO WAY was I going to miss this one.

The race started. I was alone in my apartment, in my pajamas, dusty from a day of cleaning and reorganizing my home. I didn't really know that the entire nation was also at the edge of their seat, crowds in the thousands, hundreds in the bars. I was just a girl, alone with her new found Fan status, totally and completely excited to see history making.

The moment Phelps took to the water, it was like watching magic. The glistening way he soared across the water, chopping through the liquid like a man with axes for hands. His body leaping over the T-mark like a fish hunting his prey. He pulled us back into first and that's when I jumped up.

The fourth guy jumped in, and now I was screaming, cheering for him like he was my best friend and he needed to hear my support. "GOOO! GOO!" I was shouting at the television. Anticipation tore threw me and I begged for victory!


AND HE DID IT!


The excitement from that moment buzzed through me and the energy from that accomplishment felt like it was ripping through the nation faster than our Internet connections.

The whole US of A wanted this, and we got it.

Time

TV: Saturday Night Live - On Strike!

I.want.to.be.there
---------------------

NEW YORK - With their regular programs halted by a writers' strike, cast members of NBC's "Saturday Night Live" and "30 Rock" planned to stage a pair of live performances at a Manhattan improv theater.

The shows, held at the 150-seat Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre co-founded by SNL's Amy Poehler, will benefit the behind-the-scenes staffers who have lost work because of the shutdowns caused by the two-week strike by the Writers Guild of America.

"The Upright Citizens Brigade Theater is a second home to a lot of these performers and writers," Poehler said in a statement. "We are doing this to raise spirits, raise awareness and raise money for our hard-working production crews who will be having a hard holiday season if this strike continues."

Saturday night's sold-out 11:30 p.m. performance, billed on the Brigade's Web site as "Saturday Night Live — On Strike!" was reportedly to include skits, musical guest Yo La Tengo and "Superbad" star Michael Cera as guest host.

A performance of "30 Rock — On Strike!" at 8 p.m. Monday is to include the show's full cast performing a complete episode, according to a theater employee. The show's stars include Tina Fey, Tracy Morgan, Jane Krakowski and Alec Baldwin.

That show is also mostly sold out, except for a handful of tickets to be made available at the door.

TV: The Office

"Hey I like you… what's not to like? But you need to access your uncrazy side."

News: Acceptance Speech

An off-color "Saturday Night Live" video featuring Justin Timberlake and strategically placed gift boxes was honored at the Creative Arts Emmy Awards.

"(Blank)in a Box," last December's fake music video performed by Timberlake and "SNL" cast member Andy Samberg, is about wrapping a part of the male anatomy and presenting it to a loved one as a holiday present.

"I think it's safe to say that when we first set out to make this song, we were all thinking 'Emmy!'" Samberg said in accepting the award Saturday for best original music and lyrics.

"The other thing we were thinking was, 'Hey! Here's this young up and comer, Justin Timberlake, who is clearly very talented and could clearly use a break,'" Samberg said. "So, Justin, if you're out there, congrats to you, kid.'"

TV: All hail the hoodie

It's the year of the dork. The era of the dweeb. The rise of the underdog. Young, self-declared heroes with a dry sense of humor and intelligent candor that you want to believe is as brilliant in real life as it is in the movies. What separates them from the popular kids on the block is their understanding that cool is fleeting, but wit is forever.

Here are the boys with whom you should have shared a lunch table with, afterall:


TV Show: CLARK AND MICHAEL

Michael Cera (left in photo) is the unbelievably lovable hero of SUPERBAD. His buddy Clark makes a (brief) appearance in the movie, but mostly he'll be known for his dorky persona in the new ABC Family show, GREEK (which stars another up and coming dork, Jacob Zachar). The two of them made a few funny movies together (10 minutes each), that CBS (weirdly enough) picked up and put on a website in a ten episode, web-only format. It's maddeningly funny and totally worth your time to watch.
Here: www.clarkandmichael.com

TV Show: Freaks & Greeks

In my opinion, this is one of the best shows to EVER be on television. It's the boy version of My So Called Life. Less mellow-dramatic, more funny, but just as endearing. It's brilliant writing with a brilliant cast and worth the DVD purchase (your welcome, Sis). It's another one of those great moments in television that was axed by the network because no one was watching it. The one-season-only program stars John Francis Daley, who, lucky for you, also makes an appearance in CLARK AND MICHAEL. Daley is another endearing dork, who has grown, like, 5 feet since Freaks & Geeks first aired, potentially threatening his dorky title.

Jonah Hill

Also a SUPERBAD front runner, this guy is clearly super smart and out of his mind. He's too funny for the page. But something tells me if he lost the weight, he'd reveal a debonair charm that would land him in a few Tiger Beats. Oh, and he also shows up in CLARK AND MICHAEL as another aspiring writer who is very unimpressed with the awkward Clark and Michael characters.

Adam Samburg

When did dorkiness become something to aspire to? Probably for boy-men like this it meant more time in the principals office than the prom. But something happened in show business. Someone finally took the memo that women already know that the Carey Grants of the world aren't the most interesting conversationalists/attentive caregivers/loyalists, after all.

Luckily, this guy is a lot older than the others in the lot, so it's not illegal to lust after him. He's got that ridiculous grin and comic timing that originally paved the road for his predecessors (Jimmy Fallon, Adam Sandler, Mike Meyers, et al). Now he's in charge, and probably will be for a long time. He shows up on the SNL set every week, in case you're wondering how he hit the big time.

John Krasinski

Oh, OK, so I get it. I get it now. The road to dorkiness begins with being the guy who falls for the girl, but doesn't know how to tell her. And probably won't until season three. Women are so done with the macho man who can walk up to a lady and woo her with a three-word sentence that includes at least one use of the word "baby". No, those days are over. Brad Pitt? He's unreachable. John Krasinki? He's the one you never even noticed. Until he got a hit TV show and you realized that stuttering and excessive blinking are sure signs of a guy with potential.



Have a nice day.

TV: How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?

No one is safe from reality TV. Not even Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber. Yes, he jumped on the band wagon, too. And even if this genre is running on its last leg, that doesn't mean a good idea can't resurrect it a bit. Or as I've now learned from this British TV show, a wee bit.

Introducing, "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?" A new BBC program searching for the next leading lady to play - you guessed it - Maria, in Weber's new production of The Sound of Music. The winning lady will covet her role on stage at London's West End Theater starting in October.

I live no where near the West End. But thanks to the magic of torrents, you too can see what other countries are doing with insta-fame reality TV.

The last "reality abroad" show I watched was based in Australia, and it was so much fun. But it went on forever. The difference between European and America reality TV is the Europeans have not yet mastered the fine art of "reality editing" yet. They show... everything. Nor have they learned the art of "leading an audience on". I think these hour-long series are broadcasted one day after the next. In America we like to drag these puppies out for months, interspersing "highlight shows" or "remember when we showed you this clip an hour ago" segments.

In America we'll do anything to distract you from the fact that... nothing is happening. Here, reality stars like to say, "I barely noticed the cameras." In Europe, they politely ask the crew to, "Bugger off".

Additionally, Europeans mix the pretty girls in with the not-so-pretty girls. As though they're equals or something. In America we like to pitch an entire show around the concept of not-so-pretty girls, as if the mere idea is so earth shattering we have to broadcast it immediately between commercials for Dodge Sierras and Lucky Charms.

European TV is, simpler. The sets less contrived, the dialogue a bit cheekier, the teeth not as white, the costumes more Target, less Barney's. The contestants rip each other to threads with nary a concern, then pour their hearts out to the camera like they're real people or something. Not wannabe actors who just play real on TV.

On that note, I have to tell you, check out this little clip from my new favorite summer TV show.