Book: The Dive From Clausen's Pier

This was a really intense book. I think I liked it. I'm not sure. It took a while to get through, but I was thoroughly intrigued by the story line and wanted to know what would happen next.

The thing was, the main character was, hmm, not entirely likable. I guess that's why I'm not sure if I can rate this book as "good" or "bad". It was, uncomfortable. Her life, during this book, was complicated. The problems she faced were unimaginable, and I'm pretty certain you could not judge her actions unless you were in her situation. As unique as it was.

But the thing is, I'm not sure what she would have done different had this specific trauma (not giving it away) hadn't happen to her. And that's the thing. It didn't really happen to her. It happened to her boyfriend. And normally, when a book tells the story of an accident that turns someone into a paraplegic, the story follows that particular person. But in this case, it didn't. It followed the person on the peripheral. It followed the one that watched it happen.

It's an interesting scenario. Imagine a relationship that is going sour, that is maybe "not meant to be". Imagine you are coming to that realization, slowly, and you are watching things crumble through your fingers. But, it's hard to face. It's hard to acknowledge. So you take your time.

And then, something bad happens. Something really bad. Something that would serve as a benchmark for any relationship. You'd see things in terms of, before "it" happened, and after "it" happened. And everyone then looks to you, to see how you'll handle this bad thing that has happened. But the truth is, things were bad before it happened. Things were already dying. But now you have to step up to the plate. Now you have to be the support system, for someone whom you really have no business supporting anymore. Because before the trauma happened, you had already left. You just hadn't said so out loud yet.

I couldn't sleep last night so I stayed up till 3 am reading, finishing this book. And I'm not entirely sure how it ended. And however it ended, I'm certain I didn't see it coming. It left me slightly bewildered.

I think I understand now why Kilroy wouldn't reveal himself to Carrie. Through out the story, you feel her frustration. You see him as potential trouble. But then it started to dawn on me, he probably knew the whole time she would leave. He probably had a sense. He probably knew that it would happen any day, at any moment.

That's the thing about this book. You never really see anything from anyone else's perspective. It's entirely Carrie's. Which makes it feel a bit selfish at times. I understand it was about her struggle, the whole way through, but I just wish she had thought about how she was impacting other people a little bit more.

I guess if a book makes you think this much, it's a good thing.