Movie: The Holiday

The only reason we saw this movie was because I had already seen every good movie on the marquee. And we were bored. So we wound up here.

And when the film was over, I admit, I turned into one of those obnoxious theater goers who feels the need to shout out at the closing credits, "That was the worst film I have ever seen!" with nary a concern for the misty eyed throngs of 20-something well-dressed women around me. And in case they didn't hear me the first time, I shouted it again.

These are all the reasons this movie sucks:

1. That closing scene, with all the characters frolicking around the fireplace (yes, they really frolicked, and in designer clothes, no less)--was I supposed to feel happy for them? Weren't Jack Black and Cameron Diaz supposed to be on a plane the next day, leaving their new lovers behind? Would siblings Kate Winslet and Jude Law then sit around their gingerbread houses, depressed, sobbing into their hot chocolates that nobody loves them? Would those two adorable children of Jude's wind up in therapy because they were ever so perplexed as to why their daddy stopped bringing his lady friend home to lie in their tent?

2. Did these people pay over $1,000 a ticket every time they spur-of-the-moment decided to take off for each other's homelands?

3. Why was Winslet spending so much time with that old guy? Was I supposed to see that as a sign that she is very caring and giving and non-judgemental, and therefore, I would accept, without question, that she would fall for a fat man like Jack Black?

4. Why is Cameron Diaz perpetually 12?

5. Why did Winslet and Black agree to be 12?

6. Why was Black even in this film?

7. How did Diaz's character fit 10 winter coats in her 1 suitcase? And why did she pack a rhinestone belt?

8. Why didn't these two women speak on the phone before they exchanged houses? Why didn't they leave each other notes explaining the alarm system, or how to do the laundry, or where the car keys were?

9. Why is it, when a director wants to portray a beautiful, statuesque woman like Diaz as "real" and "flawed", he decides to make her trip a lot and then jump up and shout, "I'm OK!" ? That didn't actually happen in the film, but I kept waiting for it.

10. Why is it that we are living in the year 2006, yet whenever the Internet is portrayed on film, it looks like 1997's dream of what the Internet will look like in the future?